I feel old.
I mean, I'm going to be 25 so I guess I mean to say 'older'. But the feeling is all the same.
"Can you believe we're going to be 25 this year?"
Actually, I can. And I've found that it's not a bad thing. And it's not one of those, where you shrug your shoulders and say "oh well, that's life." I mean, I'm really okay and in a strange way happy about turning 25.
"Everyone's all grown up! With grown up jobs and buying houses!" My hysterical friend tells me in the car. I can still remember being a troublesome 'teen' everywhere we went. "Now it's like, 'Get away from me teenies!'" She responds. Haha. I know. There's definitely a distinction between where we are and where teens are. And we're no longer in the same category. But why be sad?
I saw my cousin in front of SackN'Save. He started going to the college where I'll be returning to. Cool, I'll be seeing you in school then, I say. "Heh, well I don't know if I want to still go. I'm thinking about taking the firefighter test." I can't help but smile. Me, feeling more certain of what I want to do while my younger cousin looks up at me with such uncertainty in his face, not sure of any decision he's making is the right one. I tell him, Good! Go for it. "...Yeah.." He tells me back, sort of distant and I can tell he's unsure if firefighting is what he wants to do either. I walk into the store focused on what I'll eat instead of what I'll do with myself.
My father, oh brother.
He still enjoys drinking till the morning on weekdays with other mid-life crisis men. Other drunk ladies in their 40s, most in their 50s singing horrible karaoke and hanging over other older men. My dad boasts with his friends of his new hot rod car and how his buddy here, is such a ladies man. He whips out his outdated iphone showing pictures of another party night where all these women are dancing around his smooth ladies man for a friend. I look at his 'possibly 50yo' friend sitting across of me in the bar. Single? He repairs computers. Not attractive. Not seeming to be a smooth talker. They come up with a new nickname for him. "G Natural".
Caring about how they're dressed and what they eat and what they drive and what they own.
And then I look at people my age holding on to being 'young'. Living with their parents (okay, I'm currently living at my dad's but that's only until may 1), still getting an allowance. Still partying as much as they possibly can.
Don't you drink and party excessively as an escaping mechanism? When your 40+ hour a week job sucks and your relationship is going down the drain? So you drink yourself silly and then the pounds start comin' on. Right in the belly. Then you start feeling like shit.
What a horrible life.
Time to look within yourself and remember what makes you happy and lights the fire within you.
That expensive car and brand new house. The designer bag and fancy hair appointments. What happiness does it bring you besides masking your problems.
"Remember when we were kids, we'd go play in the ditch?"
"Oh man, I remember eating it at Carvalho State Park, you know behind where the pond is?"
"Haha. Nice one."
"I remember deciding to make our own beauty line products and next thing you know I was covered in mud and my dad had to hose me down with the water hose and I ruined my new plaid shorts, y'know when plaid was in style. I didn't think about my new shorts getting ruined. My parents were pissed."
Heh. Yea. Because doing what you enjoyed was what mattered. And should still matter.
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Freedom Through Equality
6 years ago
