Gonna love 25 :)

I feel old.

I mean, I'm going to be 25 so I guess I mean to say 'older'. But the feeling is all the same.

"Can you believe we're going to be 25 this year?"
Actually, I can. And I've found that it's not a bad thing. And it's not one of those, where you shrug your shoulders and say "oh well, that's life." I mean, I'm really okay and in a strange way happy about turning 25.

"Everyone's all grown up! With grown up jobs and buying houses!" My hysterical friend tells me in the car. I can still remember being a troublesome 'teen' everywhere we went. "Now it's like, 'Get away from me teenies!'" She responds. Haha. I know. There's definitely a distinction between where we are and where teens are. And we're no longer in the same category. But why be sad?

I saw my cousin in front of SackN'Save. He started going to the college where I'll be returning to. Cool, I'll be seeing you in school then, I say. "Heh, well I don't know if I want to still go. I'm thinking about taking the firefighter test." I can't help but smile. Me, feeling more certain of what I want to do while my younger cousin looks up at me with such uncertainty in his face, not sure of any decision he's making is the right one. I tell him, Good! Go for it. "...Yeah.." He tells me back, sort of distant and I can tell he's unsure if firefighting is what he wants to do either. I walk into the store focused on what I'll eat instead of what I'll do with myself.

My father, oh brother.
He still enjoys drinking till the morning on weekdays with other mid-life crisis men. Other drunk ladies in their 40s, most in their 50s singing horrible karaoke and hanging over other older men. My dad boasts with his friends of his new hot rod car and how his buddy here, is such a ladies man. He whips out his outdated iphone showing pictures of another party night where all these women are dancing around his smooth ladies man for a friend. I look at his 'possibly 50yo' friend sitting across of me in the bar. Single? He repairs computers. Not attractive. Not seeming to be a smooth talker. They come up with a new nickname for him. "G Natural".

Caring about how they're dressed and what they eat and what they drive and what they own.

And then I look at people my age holding on to being 'young'. Living with their parents (okay, I'm currently living at my dad's but that's only until may 1), still getting an allowance. Still partying as much as they possibly can.

Don't you drink and party excessively as an escaping mechanism? When your 40+ hour a week job sucks and your relationship is going down the drain? So you drink yourself silly and then the pounds start comin' on. Right in the belly. Then you start feeling like shit.

What a horrible life.

Time to look within yourself and remember what makes you happy and lights the fire within you.

That expensive car and brand new house. The designer bag and fancy hair appointments. What happiness does it bring you besides masking your problems.

"Remember when we were kids, we'd go play in the ditch?"
"Oh man, I remember eating it at Carvalho State Park, you know behind where the pond is?"
"Haha. Nice one."
"I remember deciding to make our own beauty line products and next thing you know I was covered in mud and my dad had to hose me down with the water hose and I ruined my new plaid shorts, y'know when plaid was in style. I didn't think about my new shorts getting ruined. My parents were pissed."
Heh. Yea. Because doing what you enjoyed was what mattered. And should still matter.

For Art's Sake

Ah yes.. I now sell acrylic paintings and photo prints by yours truly. My photos were once only available in color. Then, black and white and sepia. Now I've added color highlights to the mix. Fun. :D
Example Uno:

This one is titled: Wild Orchid. It's sepia with color highlights.
You can find it here: www.tristanestrella.etsy.com
There, you can see the other versions of it as well. :)

I try to add new art all the time, so check it out often! At the absolute very least, I update it once a week.

I'll also start adding postcards and note cards to the mix and more sizes besides 8x10 so keep a look out for those.

---------,@

For those of you that have been following me for awhile, I used to sell cute stuff that I'd sew. Well,.. I'd like to tell you now that I'll be reopening that shop and selling sewn items again. They may or may not fit the 'cute' category, but we'll see. I'm giving myself a little elbow room to figure out what I want to create. So basically, I will have 2 shops. One for 2d and another for 3d.

I'll let you know what I create! :D

kitty out =^^=

Oh, please let it rain!

Rain, rain, rain. Let it rain on me~!


I see you. I feel you.


Quench everything you touch.


Create a river and wash me away~


Fall down on me. Wake me up.


Change everything I see. Make it new.


Nourish me. Help me grow. No matter where I am.


Drip drop, remind me of how small you are, how small I am. And how none of it matters.


Let me take in as much as I can. Let me understand.


Alive! You and I are the same. Made of the same.


Look at me. Take me in.


I am open.


I am here. Grounded and nourished.


Like a shower, you wash me clean.


Warm, cozy, clean.

In the eye of the Beholder

I'd like to note, that I've had quadruple(maybe more) dejavu/premonitions about the action of writing this blog. What purpose that serves, no clue. Moving on~!

Ah~ Beauty. To me, it's everywhere. Stopping to smell the roses is something I love to do any time I'm able to do it.

First off, it helps to broaden your horizons and include looking at other things besides just roses. Try looking at the leaves next to the rose. That's how it started with me. I used to go for a walk and pick leaves I thought were interesting. By the time I got home, I'd look at all the leaves. Each one was so different from the other. Each one was beautiful.(I should've been a botanist, I know.)

You don't have to go far to find beauty. That's always the thing with 'smelling roses'. It's always right at your feet. In my case, today, it was right outside my door. I'll share with you my findings. Enjoy as I have.


Oop.. saw this guy where I was going to step. He was gentleman enough to let me take his picture. How nice of him.(Why it's a 'him', idk. He looks like a Zach to me.)


Ahh.. yes, yes. This pretty much comprises of my entire outside of my house. Rustness and wildness. It's funny because it doesn't look like that in the inside. I like it. What character.


The sunlight shown through and the gentle wind tossed it around. Beautiful.


I almost stepped on it. I'm happy I didn't even though the shell is empty.


The view up behind my house. It's cool that there's a slope. I feel so tall~ (rare for me) Some shingles are comin' off the roof. I wonder how that happened..especially since that's right above my bed.


Lady bug, Lady bug I see you~


Dos Ladybugs? Luuckky~


Last time I went back there I saw a monarch butterfly. It flew around me and hung out with me for awhile. It wasn't there today, but I heard a tiny bird in this tree. Maybe it was a baby callin' for it's mama.


I'm also a cloud lover. How can you not? Always changing. Always these huge things floating way, way up there above you. Almost like an animal. I wouldn't mind a pet cloud. I'd call him Cloudy. And if I had another one, I'd call him Stormy. You know, I think I shall go get me a pet cloud. I heard they're free and easy to take care of.


I almost feel like I could jump from rooftop to rooftop. Then ride Cloudy out to sea. Just like in my dreams.


What is it? Alien~


Hey, I see you pollutin' thar. Pearl Harbor from my house.


Juxtapose. It's what Pearl City's made out of.


Vines have a keen sense of adapting to their surroundings. Whatever it is, they'll find a way. I personally think it looks more beautiful with them there. Leave the vines!


I can hear the gentle wind blowing, my clothes in the washing machine and the next door neighbor's dog softly barking at someone walking by.


This picture looks tropical, almost jungle-like. Maybe I'll see a bengal tiger.


Cloudy helping himself to some sun. Must be hungry.


Red dirt. huh.


The side of my house. I've demolished some drywall, burned random stuff in a trashcan, thrown beer bottles, sprayed fake blood, cleaned a jello-filled kiddie pool, made out and cried my eyes out right there. And that's just ME. Let's call it drama-side of house. :D


Ti leaves. Please protect me.


These are all by my bedroom. Speshal me :D Their shadows dance into my room.


It danced for me as I took it's picture. Now forever beautiful to me in this picture even after it's gone.


An aged ladder.


Rusty nails in an old horse.


Maybe you should quit?


For some reason we are saving these.(I have a feeling it has to do with the fact that the household is 75% Filipino, 25% Portuguese) If I can think of a purpose for them, I would do so. Any suggestions? I have a secret gripe whenever I throw something away. I always can see it in a landfill, sometimes falling off a boat and into the ocean. :(

Ovarian Cysts and Cancer

I was watching tv last night and a commercial came on. I hate commercials but this one was about ovarian cancer awareness. It really got me thinking. With recently finding out that my mom has breast cancer(this Halloween), I started thinking about my own risks. With already having ovarian cysts, the risk for me getting cancer continues to increase. I won't be hypochondriac about it but that doesn't mean I should turn a blind eye.

So I did the next thing that I could do. I googled. My results yielded me with just more questions. Apparently there are no clear defining symptoms that can tell you that you have ovarian cancer. The ones given are:

* Abdominal pressure, fullness, swelling or bloating
* Urinary urgency
* Pelvic discomfort or pain
* Persistent indigestion, gas or nausea
* Unexplained changes in bowel habits, such as constipation
* Changes in bladder habits, including a frequent need to urinate
* Loss of appetite or quickly feeling full
* Increased abdominal girth or clothes fitting tighter around your waist
* Pain during intercourse (dyspareunia)
* A persistent lack of energy
* Low back pain
* Changes in menstruation

Since I already have ovarian cysts(and I'm a woman), I have all of these symptoms so it's unhelpful.
Symptoms for ovarian cysts are:

* Menstrual irregularities
* Pelvic pain — a constant or intermittent dull ache that may radiate to your lower back and thighs
* Pelvic pain shortly before your period begins or just before it ends
* Pelvic pain during intercourse (dyspareunia)
* Pain during bowel movements or pressure on your bowels
* Nausea, vomiting or breast tenderness similar to that experienced during pregnancy
* Fullness or heaviness in your abdomen
* Pressure on your rectum or bladder — difficulty emptying your bladder completely
* Sudden, severe abdominal or pelvic pain
* Pain accompanied by fever or vomiting

I've also found this unsettling news:

Ovarian cancer at its early stages(I/II) is difficult to diagnose until it spreads and advances to later stages (III/IV). This is due to the fact that most of the common symptoms are non-specific.

I guess that's why they call it the "silent killer". Thanks.

The only way to tell if you have ovarian cancer is to be cut open(laparotomy). It is filled with side effects and very costly. But because I am young, doctors will not consider to test for ovarian cancer although it is still possible. In the meantime, the pain in my body is spreading. The treatment for ovarian cysts is to take pain killers and to have surgery if the cyst gets too big. I am to monitor my body via pelvic ultrasounds and pelvic exams every 1 to 3 months. Right now, I can't afford to go.

Having a pelvic exam is quite weird but when you have them often, as I have to, you get used to it. In contrast to the average woman, who must have a pelvic exam once a year.

In a pelvic exam the doctor does the old one,two. You spread em' and he pokes around in you with two fingers, with the other hand on top of your pelvis, jabbing at the walls of your inside. (Yes, I said 'he'. I had a male gynecologist which is required to have a female nurse in the room during the exam. Yay! Party!)
No, it does not feel good. Since I'm going in for a check-up on the painful cysts in my body, the jabbing equates to someone jabbing at your balls. (Unless you're a masochist, it does not feel good.)

After a few "sorry's", I'm done! yay! After I've dressed, he'll fascinatingly tell me about the size of the cysts he felt and hold up his hands to show me how big.(Not like the fish you caught last summer! More like 3-4 inches in diameter.)

A pelvic ultrasound is much weirder. I've never been pregnant, so I can't compare that experience. But to me, it's more like the most awkward porno I've ever been in. First they torture you by making you fill your bladder, then wait in the waiting room for awhile until you're ready to burst. At which point, they'll call you in and you remove your bottoms, climb up on a bed.(if you're lucky, they warm it for you with warm towels)

Then the ultrasound technician comes in, turns off the lights, says a few nice words and lifts up your gown. (Awkward. Once, my mom wanted to join since she works in radiology, doubly awkward.) She will then push on your full bladder and painful cysts and take pictures with this jelly-covered device that to me, strangely resembles the scanners used in shopping stores. During all of this, I don't know what the fuck is going on. I'm way too concentrated on not wetting the bed and the technician.

When I reach the point where it feels like I can't handle anymore, she lets me use the bathroom.(This agony happens every time without fail.)

After half-time, I climb back in and ready for my second photo shoot. There's always a comment by the technician on how good that must make me feel. (More awkwardness.) She now steps it up a notch by using what they call a "wand", also covered with jelly. I would say it looks exactly like a g-spot vibrator or a massage wand, whatever you'd prefer. My eyes must be big every time I'm shown it because the technician without fail says "Oh don't worry, I'm not inserting ALL of it. Only this much." And she'll point to where the insertion stops. (OOOkayy..that makes everything better. not.)
For some reason, it's always more painful (and definitely more uncomfortable) as she takes her snapshots. I try to ignore everything by staring at the pretty black and white show of my insides. Every once in awhile she'll stop and take a picture of big black spots. She'll label them with some medical shortcut jargon and repeat.


None of these exams can "cure" my cysts and the pains they give me. Nor can they tell me if I have cancer. But maybe, hopefully it can catch something "abnormal"(or more abnormal than I already have) sooner.

Honestly, I've never considered cancer until my mom's diagnosis.

I'm not saying I want to have cancer(who does?) but I surely do not want to wait until it's too late. My mom's getting her breast augmented. She tells me she might have to augment both. I can't simply turn a blind eye anymore.

Links:
Ultrasound of ovarian cysts
Ovarian cysts
MayoClinic: Ovarian cancer
Cnn: Ovarian cancer
What is Pelvic Ultrasound Imaging?
Pelvic exam

Questions a doctor may ask:
* When did you first begin experiencing symptoms?
9th grade -1999

* Have your symptoms been continuous, or occasional?
Continuous. I have dull abdominal pain almost everyday. At least a couple times a month I have severe abdominal pain.

* How severe are your symptoms?
When I have severe abdominal pain I have to call off from work. Moving and sometimes breathing causes extreme pain.

* Does anything seem to improve your symptoms?
Lying down and not moving until it goes away. I take tylenol but it hasn't been working anymore. When it did, it used to dull the pain, never taking it away. I've also taken ibuprofen. It only makes my stomach sick.

* Does anything appear to worsen your symptoms?
Bending, moving.

* Any first-degree relatives with ovarian or breast cancer? Other cancers in the family?
My mom has breast cancer. She also had ovarian cysts.

Eat: Dark Chocolate!

Dark chocolate is actually really good for you. So eat it, will ya?! :D
Q. Why dark chocolate?
A. Dark chocolate contains more cacao and less sugar than milk chocolate. So more of the good stuff our body needs.


Here are some benefits of dark chocolate:
~It's good for your heart and helps lower your blood pressure.
~Dark chocolate contains 4x more antioxidants than tea.
~The smell of chocolate can make you feel relaxed.
~It can elevate your mood.
~Drinking hot chocolate can curve your appetite.
~Chocolate can raise your serotonin levels and give you an overall sense of well-being.
Which means it can do wonders to your stress levels which are a leading cause in many illnesses including heart disease, a lowered immune system and cancer. I say, instead of taking a chill pill, take a dark chocolate and call me in the afternoon. ;) (sorry, not a morning person:P)

I over simplified the benefits to give you a rough view of what chocolate is actually doing for you. If you'd like to check out more about it and more scientifically 'why', check out the links below.


It is still key to eat it in moderation since chocolate is still high in calories, sugar and fat.
Q. So how much is too much?
A. Easy. Chocolate comes with nutrition labels so you'll see exactly how much sugar, fat and calories you are eating.

I use a rule of not eating a snack that is over 100something calories. If it doesn't start with a "1" or lower, I don't count it as a snack. For example: 100-150 calories, sounds like a reasonable snack to me. If it's 50 calories, that's even better.

If you want to get super technical, the average person needs to take in 2,000 calories a day. I'm a petite(4'11"), female so my daily calorie intake is more like 1,600. If you're an active, big male, you might have to take 2,200. And well, if you're dieting, you'd take in less calories than your daily calorie intake. I'd shave about 200 calories off. (Basically that equates to not eating that french fries with your burger, or switching soda to water.)

Portion control can be real handy to be able to enjoy foods you like without unbuckling the belt.
I try to go for pre-wrapped, bite-sized chocolates.

My favorite is Dove Dark Chocolate. With only 42 calories per chocolate, this special little treat also has a little pick-me-up line written inside the wrapper. My favorite chocolate inscription is: Naughty can be nice. I giggle to myself and savor the smell, taste and feel of the chocolate as it takes me over. It's something that can really make a difference in your day. (well, mine at least.)

Besides, you always savor something more when you have less of it. So unwrap that wonderful goodness. Let it melt on your tongue and cover your body in ultimate ecstasy!


Links:
Is Chocolate healthier than green tea?
Dark Chocolate Is Healthy Chocolate
Health Benefits of Chocolate?
Heart-Health Benefits of Chocolate Unveiled
The Health Benefits of Chocolate: Can Chocolate Benefit Your Health?
Chocolate's Potential Health Benefits
Health Benefits of Chocolate

Recipe: Sloppy Rice Patties

Okay, so I made sloppy rice and had leftovers. [It's quite a filling dish!] It felt blase' and I didn't want to waste it so I just changed it up a little. :)

Ingredients:
Sloppy rice leftovers [doesn't matter the quantity]
2 eggs
salt and pepper
extra virgin olive oil


Blend the eggs in a small bowl. Add salt and pepper. Heat up the leftovers and dump blended eggs right into leftovers. Mix it well. Heat up the pan to a little over medium and pour very small portions of the concoction into the pan. Fry it like you would tiny pancakes. [tip: make sure that the leftovers are globbed together as a whole and are not mountain shaped in the pan so it cooks evenly and doesn't fall apart.] After flipping once, set it on a napkin covered plate to soak up excess oil. Done!

It was interesting. Reminded me of hash browns? Eating this with some ketchup is awesome!

-------------------------,@


I paired this with some nuked potatoes covered in margarine, paprika, salt and pepper. A couple chopped up and fried mushrooms does it wonders. [my mouth is watering just thinking about them P:]

I'll show you how I make my nuked potatoes another day. :)

When I ate this, I thought "Wait! Where's my vegetable side?" And I realized, it's ALL vegetables. Hehe. Fooled the cook. :P