Gonna love 25 :)

I feel old.

I mean, I'm going to be 25 so I guess I mean to say 'older'. But the feeling is all the same.

"Can you believe we're going to be 25 this year?"
Actually, I can. And I've found that it's not a bad thing. And it's not one of those, where you shrug your shoulders and say "oh well, that's life." I mean, I'm really okay and in a strange way happy about turning 25.

"Everyone's all grown up! With grown up jobs and buying houses!" My hysterical friend tells me in the car. I can still remember being a troublesome 'teen' everywhere we went. "Now it's like, 'Get away from me teenies!'" She responds. Haha. I know. There's definitely a distinction between where we are and where teens are. And we're no longer in the same category. But why be sad?

I saw my cousin in front of SackN'Save. He started going to the college where I'll be returning to. Cool, I'll be seeing you in school then, I say. "Heh, well I don't know if I want to still go. I'm thinking about taking the firefighter test." I can't help but smile. Me, feeling more certain of what I want to do while my younger cousin looks up at me with such uncertainty in his face, not sure of any decision he's making is the right one. I tell him, Good! Go for it. "...Yeah.." He tells me back, sort of distant and I can tell he's unsure if firefighting is what he wants to do either. I walk into the store focused on what I'll eat instead of what I'll do with myself.

My father, oh brother.
He still enjoys drinking till the morning on weekdays with other mid-life crisis men. Other drunk ladies in their 40s, most in their 50s singing horrible karaoke and hanging over other older men. My dad boasts with his friends of his new hot rod car and how his buddy here, is such a ladies man. He whips out his outdated iphone showing pictures of another party night where all these women are dancing around his smooth ladies man for a friend. I look at his 'possibly 50yo' friend sitting across of me in the bar. Single? He repairs computers. Not attractive. Not seeming to be a smooth talker. They come up with a new nickname for him. "G Natural".

Caring about how they're dressed and what they eat and what they drive and what they own.

And then I look at people my age holding on to being 'young'. Living with their parents (okay, I'm currently living at my dad's but that's only until may 1), still getting an allowance. Still partying as much as they possibly can.

Don't you drink and party excessively as an escaping mechanism? When your 40+ hour a week job sucks and your relationship is going down the drain? So you drink yourself silly and then the pounds start comin' on. Right in the belly. Then you start feeling like shit.

What a horrible life.

Time to look within yourself and remember what makes you happy and lights the fire within you.

That expensive car and brand new house. The designer bag and fancy hair appointments. What happiness does it bring you besides masking your problems.

"Remember when we were kids, we'd go play in the ditch?"
"Oh man, I remember eating it at Carvalho State Park, you know behind where the pond is?"
"Haha. Nice one."
"I remember deciding to make our own beauty line products and next thing you know I was covered in mud and my dad had to hose me down with the water hose and I ruined my new plaid shorts, y'know when plaid was in style. I didn't think about my new shorts getting ruined. My parents were pissed."
Heh. Yea. Because doing what you enjoyed was what mattered. And should still matter.

For Art's Sake

Ah yes.. I now sell acrylic paintings and photo prints by yours truly. My photos were once only available in color. Then, black and white and sepia. Now I've added color highlights to the mix. Fun. :D
Example Uno:

This one is titled: Wild Orchid. It's sepia with color highlights.
You can find it here: www.tristanestrella.etsy.com
There, you can see the other versions of it as well. :)

I try to add new art all the time, so check it out often! At the absolute very least, I update it once a week.

I'll also start adding postcards and note cards to the mix and more sizes besides 8x10 so keep a look out for those.

---------,@

For those of you that have been following me for awhile, I used to sell cute stuff that I'd sew. Well,.. I'd like to tell you now that I'll be reopening that shop and selling sewn items again. They may or may not fit the 'cute' category, but we'll see. I'm giving myself a little elbow room to figure out what I want to create. So basically, I will have 2 shops. One for 2d and another for 3d.

I'll let you know what I create! :D

kitty out =^^=

Ovarian Cysts and Cancer

I was watching tv last night and a commercial came on. I hate commercials but this one was about ovarian cancer awareness. It really got me thinking. With recently finding out that my mom has breast cancer(this Halloween), I started thinking about my own risks. With already having ovarian cysts, the risk for me getting cancer continues to increase. I won't be hypochondriac about it but that doesn't mean I should turn a blind eye.

So I did the next thing that I could do. I googled. My results yielded me with just more questions. Apparently there are no clear defining symptoms that can tell you that you have ovarian cancer. The ones given are:

* Abdominal pressure, fullness, swelling or bloating
* Urinary urgency
* Pelvic discomfort or pain
* Persistent indigestion, gas or nausea
* Unexplained changes in bowel habits, such as constipation
* Changes in bladder habits, including a frequent need to urinate
* Loss of appetite or quickly feeling full
* Increased abdominal girth or clothes fitting tighter around your waist
* Pain during intercourse (dyspareunia)
* A persistent lack of energy
* Low back pain
* Changes in menstruation

Since I already have ovarian cysts(and I'm a woman), I have all of these symptoms so it's unhelpful.
Symptoms for ovarian cysts are:

* Menstrual irregularities
* Pelvic pain — a constant or intermittent dull ache that may radiate to your lower back and thighs
* Pelvic pain shortly before your period begins or just before it ends
* Pelvic pain during intercourse (dyspareunia)
* Pain during bowel movements or pressure on your bowels
* Nausea, vomiting or breast tenderness similar to that experienced during pregnancy
* Fullness or heaviness in your abdomen
* Pressure on your rectum or bladder — difficulty emptying your bladder completely
* Sudden, severe abdominal or pelvic pain
* Pain accompanied by fever or vomiting

I've also found this unsettling news:

Ovarian cancer at its early stages(I/II) is difficult to diagnose until it spreads and advances to later stages (III/IV). This is due to the fact that most of the common symptoms are non-specific.

I guess that's why they call it the "silent killer". Thanks.

The only way to tell if you have ovarian cancer is to be cut open(laparotomy). It is filled with side effects and very costly. But because I am young, doctors will not consider to test for ovarian cancer although it is still possible. In the meantime, the pain in my body is spreading. The treatment for ovarian cysts is to take pain killers and to have surgery if the cyst gets too big. I am to monitor my body via pelvic ultrasounds and pelvic exams every 1 to 3 months. Right now, I can't afford to go.

Having a pelvic exam is quite weird but when you have them often, as I have to, you get used to it. In contrast to the average woman, who must have a pelvic exam once a year.

In a pelvic exam the doctor does the old one,two. You spread em' and he pokes around in you with two fingers, with the other hand on top of your pelvis, jabbing at the walls of your inside. (Yes, I said 'he'. I had a male gynecologist which is required to have a female nurse in the room during the exam. Yay! Party!)
No, it does not feel good. Since I'm going in for a check-up on the painful cysts in my body, the jabbing equates to someone jabbing at your balls. (Unless you're a masochist, it does not feel good.)

After a few "sorry's", I'm done! yay! After I've dressed, he'll fascinatingly tell me about the size of the cysts he felt and hold up his hands to show me how big.(Not like the fish you caught last summer! More like 3-4 inches in diameter.)

A pelvic ultrasound is much weirder. I've never been pregnant, so I can't compare that experience. But to me, it's more like the most awkward porno I've ever been in. First they torture you by making you fill your bladder, then wait in the waiting room for awhile until you're ready to burst. At which point, they'll call you in and you remove your bottoms, climb up on a bed.(if you're lucky, they warm it for you with warm towels)

Then the ultrasound technician comes in, turns off the lights, says a few nice words and lifts up your gown. (Awkward. Once, my mom wanted to join since she works in radiology, doubly awkward.) She will then push on your full bladder and painful cysts and take pictures with this jelly-covered device that to me, strangely resembles the scanners used in shopping stores. During all of this, I don't know what the fuck is going on. I'm way too concentrated on not wetting the bed and the technician.

When I reach the point where it feels like I can't handle anymore, she lets me use the bathroom.(This agony happens every time without fail.)

After half-time, I climb back in and ready for my second photo shoot. There's always a comment by the technician on how good that must make me feel. (More awkwardness.) She now steps it up a notch by using what they call a "wand", also covered with jelly. I would say it looks exactly like a g-spot vibrator or a massage wand, whatever you'd prefer. My eyes must be big every time I'm shown it because the technician without fail says "Oh don't worry, I'm not inserting ALL of it. Only this much." And she'll point to where the insertion stops. (OOOkayy..that makes everything better. not.)
For some reason, it's always more painful (and definitely more uncomfortable) as she takes her snapshots. I try to ignore everything by staring at the pretty black and white show of my insides. Every once in awhile she'll stop and take a picture of big black spots. She'll label them with some medical shortcut jargon and repeat.


None of these exams can "cure" my cysts and the pains they give me. Nor can they tell me if I have cancer. But maybe, hopefully it can catch something "abnormal"(or more abnormal than I already have) sooner.

Honestly, I've never considered cancer until my mom's diagnosis.

I'm not saying I want to have cancer(who does?) but I surely do not want to wait until it's too late. My mom's getting her breast augmented. She tells me she might have to augment both. I can't simply turn a blind eye anymore.

Links:
Ultrasound of ovarian cysts
Ovarian cysts
MayoClinic: Ovarian cancer
Cnn: Ovarian cancer
What is Pelvic Ultrasound Imaging?
Pelvic exam

Questions a doctor may ask:
* When did you first begin experiencing symptoms?
9th grade -1999

* Have your symptoms been continuous, or occasional?
Continuous. I have dull abdominal pain almost everyday. At least a couple times a month I have severe abdominal pain.

* How severe are your symptoms?
When I have severe abdominal pain I have to call off from work. Moving and sometimes breathing causes extreme pain.

* Does anything seem to improve your symptoms?
Lying down and not moving until it goes away. I take tylenol but it hasn't been working anymore. When it did, it used to dull the pain, never taking it away. I've also taken ibuprofen. It only makes my stomach sick.

* Does anything appear to worsen your symptoms?
Bending, moving.

* Any first-degree relatives with ovarian or breast cancer? Other cancers in the family?
My mom has breast cancer. She also had ovarian cysts.

Playing with Video Cameras

The night starts innocently enough.. watching Jon eat a peanut butter jelly sandwich.

Then Jason comes in and brings in a video camera he found at work. He works at the airport. So we decided to figure out what was on the tape in there, hoping it was pr0n lol. This is what we got:

lol woah.. nah it was about 15 min. of this guy playing on his accordion with his fly open.. I guess it could count to pr0n to someone, I suppose..


Since that was lame and disappointing, we decided to play with the camera and video ourselves :P.


Jon's head is very small lol.


Now bottle is small..



Ahhh.. screw it.. Let's play Eyetoy.

Some retarded videos for your entertainment:

Jason doing his version of wacking the ninjas.

Anna Millers and Pr0n

blah.. ate at Anna Millers with Jon. Mmmm pies.... P:


I had a soup and salad :P.


Jon had banana pancakes. :D


Went to the pr0n store across the street.


And it's me!


Peace out!

An Unexpected Surprise

I got off work early since it was a waiver day for schools and since Jonathan had to work later than usual I had time to kill so I headed downtown and met up with friends. It was quite packed downtown since it was First Friday. There's a lot of art museums and entertainment happening all at once, as well as wine tasting and other bars packed with people.

This lady calls her art "Paint by Number".


We all carpooled in Herb's car to go get dinner. Bean thought it'd be funny to go in the trunk so we'd all fit in the car. Silly, silly.




Troy, who rarely drinks, had been drinking earlier downtown at Indigos before I got there. He was toasted and can't understand what the hell's happening. hah!


We went to Chowder House for dinner. Herb and Kim kickin' it.


Reuben looks like he's contemplating. Deep conversations happening at the table. (no, not really :P)


My beer for dinner came in the hugest goblet I've ever drank beer out of. I had to hold this heavy thing with two hands! (I'm drinking gordon biersch marzen..I liked it :)


After that, we all headed towards the movie theatre. They're all going to watch Iron Man. I didn't join them since I had used all the time I had and it was time for me to go home :) See you guys later!

Go Fly A Kite

Went to the Patsy Mink Park. But this time we brought kites! yay! I must say it was extremely relaxing and just what my soul needed.

Care Bears! ♥


The wind was awesome. The kites were up in no time.


All there is to do now is to lie down and watch the kites fly up high so carefree.

Ahhh.. relaxing.

Roomie Bday party

Charles (my roommate) and Jonathan (my bf) had a joint bday party. yay!
Here's the cakes I made. Charles' cake was french vanilla.


Jon's was carrot cake. mmm P:


People


err.. lots of people


Jonathan and Nick (coworker)


Lol Charles


Nate's head O_O


Playing Rockband


Alcohol!


Okay shots!


Sheri has her own method of drinking wine.


Okay! Doublefisting!


Jake's feeling the tequila.


Jake doing some drunken shirtless slap dancing:

Playing Drunken Darts. You can totally tell I'm getting wasted from this video. I like how I have a delayed reaction to everything.


Lol. They spilled some of their shot on the table so they lick it off the table. Hey, we told them not to waste alcohol!


The thing that killed Jake: (let's just say he wasn't dancing anymore, or standing for that matter..)


Late night/early morning poker. You guys go ahead.. I'm going to bed.

Kawaii Kon cont'

Okay. On the last day, I dressed up in Decora fashion.


Here's a pikachu ♥


and err..


Final Fantasy VII:


Halflife:


Tetris L:


The reason why otakus are poor:


Highlight of my time that day, The Zombie Run. Basically, otakus (mostly consisting of cosplayers) act like hungry zombies that are all after one poor soul. A guy that's dressed up as Snake from Metal Gear Solid. It was an event that just happened automatically and was a little more organized this year. It's an awesome feeling to act like a mob of zombies.


~~~~~~~~~~,~~~~~~~~@

Went to Alas and had linner.
My boyfriend:


Ala Moana asian gardenscape


bug kaleidescope.. weird..


I saw this in the ABC store in alas, wow! O__O lots of tiny, tiny bottles of alchy.


A baby patrón came home with me


Saw some colorful broccoli


blah.. i'm tired. Here's the stuff that was around my neck. (heavy)


Nighttime cityscape